Looking back, I can see I had no idea how hard it would be to move this time. I don't mean the difficulty of trying to pack everything and then trying to squeeze 4,000 square feet of 'stuff' into a 1,000 square foot condo. That, too, but what was (is?) difficult is the emotion. That is what I am writing about. I kept saying to well-meaning folks who would say, "Well, in the long run, you'll be happier in a smaller place" and I'd say, "If I can get past the emotion, yes, no doubt that will be true." I had no idea.
I did pretty well with being numb and worn out with all the packing. I didn't have to think. But the two nights that overlapped with our son, his wife and their four children when they had to move everything from their large home into ours for a temporary home, it was getting very 'close to home.' Two nights left to sleep in our home. Then one night.
I did pretty well when the family came after telling their home good-bye: Kids in tears, etc. Hearing how it was......
I did pretty well on the day of the move, trying to get through the rooms that were filled with two households of belongings; their beds being set up and their things brought in; our beds being taken apart; boxes being loaded in the trucks and trailer, etc.
Finally driving away that evening (husband in his truck; me alone in the car), I really felt the sadness descend like a blanket. And coming into a strange, now-overloaded, chaotic mini-dwelling it truly hit me. That Saturday night was one of the most difficult I have experienced in recent years. I truly didn't know if I'd ever recover. I know some of it was utter fatigue, but most of it was the utter sense of loss.
We don't like to think things mean so much to us. We try to think we are "deeper" beings than that, but the bitter truth is, we enjoy creature comforts. We don't like change. We like what is familiar.
I realize how spoiled I've been especially the past eight-plus years. Everything was still new and large and comfortable. We made a good living; things were good. Until things became bad....and that is when this all started.
Our 'new' living space is so small. There aren't enough cupboards. We are surrounded by other tenants, above us and on each side.
Many bags of stuff have been put in the trash bins; many boxes are going to the Goodwill store.
But we have everything we need. This is comfortable enough. I can help pick up the grandkids at their school, especially now that they live several miles from the school, which of course, is temporary.
But isn't this all just temporary?
